Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
