i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
