she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
