I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
