How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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