It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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