So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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