Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize