i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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