i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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