I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
