did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
