I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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