People with herpes should wear stickers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
