I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
