There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
