No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
