Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
