My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
