What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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