It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
