"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize