Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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