I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
