I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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