She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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