I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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