I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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