My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
last night I used snow as a chaser
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
