Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
