The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
