No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
