Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
