If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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