we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
