I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
