i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
