i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
