I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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