Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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