do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
