Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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