I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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