shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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