M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
