I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
