She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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