Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
