I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
