I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize