Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
