Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Small penises have feelings too.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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