So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
