i don't like sucking hair
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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