We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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