Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just invented taco cereal.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
