You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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