Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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