and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
