Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
