They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
