I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
