I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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