he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
