the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
