i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize