You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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