I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
