So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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