Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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