We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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