O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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