upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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