well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone came in the potted fern
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
