i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
