Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
