Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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