You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
