Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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