I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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