don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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