I hate all girls vehemently.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
