I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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