he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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